Coyote Scramble Ultras
It's a Coyote thing -- not a race, more a rambling run-centric party, with Coyote-brand hospitality/awards, on the spectacular single track of the Kingdom Trails.
We're just days in front of April Fools' Day, and yippee kiyi, the App's actually ready for those who can't imagine missing out on some horrific text, to say nothing of trying to devise a scheme to avoid having to return for more social abuse and dirt frivolity, either as separate or combined agendas. Here's what the weekend's gonna look like:
Friday: at 3PM at the Nordic Center at the end of Dashney Rd, you'll roam a few miles (7-10?) to get travel kinks out of your legs, then clean up just enough to get your head (and costume?) in "high entertainment" mode. At 6PM, dinner at the Tamarack in Burke Mountain's Base Lodge, said setting then serving as stage first for the musically creative Tritium Well, and second for YOU to chomp on the opportunity to entertain the assembled masses, with no small number of Bonus Miles and really, really nifty prizes to be awarded for presentations inciting uncontrollable laughter and/or appreciative rah!rah!'s. Specific running "awards" for notable performances, just cuz such embarrassment ought not be ignored.
Saturday: at 6:30AM, y'all will roam the Kingdom Trails, either following our suggested routes (20/30/40'ish miles) or on whatever route your curiosity invites -- we'll have aid stations reasonably positioned to help you wander with sustenance. We'll not encourage TOO much roaming, as post-dirt, you'll want sufficient time to clean up ("I don't sweat" you claim? hahahaha!!) before heading to St Johnsbury's Gold Crown Lanes to show off your self-perceived, artfully balletic footwork (observationally, more at 5 left feet contorting?) that some might call "bowling." Pizza 'n veggie munchies 'n stuff included to serve as nutritional encouragement and diversion from task at hand. Yup, nifty prizes, too, congruent with skills displayed (on and off the lanes).
Sunday: at 7AM, yipPEE! back on the trails for more of the same dirt/rocks/roots you found on Saturday, with shorter suggested routes for those still inclined to follow directions. Post-wander food, then awards, then we bid you ta-ta, oddy-ose, ado (adieu? a dew? uh, doo?) and try to find a way of disengaging from an experience that we wish could last longer and otherwise replace the realities from which we escaped for the weekend.
Play options: Revisiting the available and partaken (partooken? partooked?) options from the last couple years, the most popular choices were and hence will be for this year the following two prime choices (post-wknd thrills added below these):
- Option 1: Consume all 3 days on the trails + 3 meals + Tritium Well entertainment + Bowling + Patagonia apparel / Retro Bowling Shirt (see App for flex on these) + the normal Coyote hospitality of treasures waiting for reasons to be dispersed
- Option 2: Chomp on just the Saturday miles + the Patagonia piece, but no Bowling
- Option 3: More Miles on non-Kingdom Trails dirt (think "White Mountains") on Mon/Tue, available only to Vets and their invitees (and still subject to Buffoon's vetting), cuz some feet just can't be satisfied with a mere 2+ days of dirt, especially those feet that spend more time flying/driving than running/trekking. Aside from the vetting to gain access, there's no filter to join this adventure, but those who DO get in will incur costs for lodging, meals, maybe some aid, and minor contribution to typically worthless awards.
- Option 4: Coyote Two Moon 100M/100K (C2M) for Wed-Fri (ibid those feet without mileage restrictions). This questionable creation of dirt play is separate from Scramble, but positioned proximate to it to afford some economy of resources and flight plans. Entry to C2M will suffer some filtering -- Vets 'n invitees first, open to general suckerdom should the available slots not otherwise get gobbled up by V's 'n I's.
Entry Fee: ranges between $95 (Saturday only) and $235 (the FFB (which you'll have to get the App to learn how those letters unfold)), and tho the upper limit is higher than last year, it entails both apparel items. As those familiar w/ our brand of play appreciate, the overall price tag includes more than 75% just for apparel and hospitality; take those away, and we drift toward looking like your basic ultra. Nah, don' wanna go there!
Speaking of Bonuses, Coyote events also involve a liberal distribution of bonus/boner miles for extraneous wandering, other evidence of stellar performance (yes, that entertainment shtick), and generally sucking up to Vols (perusing '14-'16's results ought hint at that influence. The boner opportunities also serve to disabuse the highly competitive from thinking that just cuz they're zippy, they de facto deserve top dog recognition. Bwa-ha-ha!! you ding dongs, it's a party not a race!! Another Coyote tradition that more than a handful of very accomplished runners have earned enough boner minutes to drop significantly in the official standings (a recognition that UltraSignup doesn't filter; we won't report results to them, but they do rob results from websites to populate its website) to reveal less than spectacular results for one's performance resume. To the positive side of this idiocy, returning Vets garner instant bonus miles just for entering; the more you play (well), the more BM's you'll earn!!
Because Coyote "official" results rarely mirror runners' reality on the dirt, and because the curmudgeonly Buffoon rather likes the more interactive communication that online registration usually can't provide w/o charging additional fees for the privilege of said interaction, we retreat to former days of a (mostly) paper communication format for registration. (1) you send email to buffoon(at)coyotemoonultras.com (but do NOT do that until this page shows that Registration is open -- send an email prematurely, and IF you're accepted, you'll automatically have Boner Miles in your account). (2) you'll get digital App. (3) You'll print hardcopy and send App + $$ via snailmail. Once the Buffoon approves your App (translate: your $$ gets deposited and your App isn't otherwise rejected for suspicious reasons, we'll begin a series of e-mail exchanges + website posts leading up to the party itself. Hey, it saves YOU $$ and gives ME a chance to mess with your head -- win-win!!
Accommodations: while we've invaded the Kingdom Farm the last two years, their bookings for our weekend have been sold out for moons (like, before Scramble '16). BurkeMtnLodge operates as our Scramble bed 'n pillow host this year, as well as our venue for Friday night's dinner and Talent Night. Mention "Coyote Scramble" to get their package rates for us. The accommodations are spiff -- your own bathroom!! -- so yes, it'll be a bit priceyer than Kingdom Farm. Whichever accommodations you pursue, because we're playing during peak Leaf Peeper season, you'll want to reserve your room well in advance -- tis easier to canx a reservation than try to find a room during Peeper days...
Entry Cutoffs: Aug 20th for anyone expecting to get apparel; Sep 10th for all others, cuz there's other stuff to get done before y'all show up in cuppla weeks after that.
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